I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
