Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
