All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
