Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
