i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
