hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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