I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
