the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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