You really coming over, don't trick.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
