Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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