its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Two words: nipple clamps
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