Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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