Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
