Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
