no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had sex on a roof
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
