Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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