I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
