Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
