Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
