i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
