A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
