lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
