I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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