you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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