He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
