If i could tip my vagina, i would.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
