Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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