I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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