Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
