Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
