a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sober January is a disaster.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
