so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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