Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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