i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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