Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
