you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
