God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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