I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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