How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
