and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
