i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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