Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
