do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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