i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
