if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
