My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
