think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
