Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
