i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
