Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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