All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
