Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
