There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
