her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
