Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
