im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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