Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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