tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
